Reflections on Good Friday

I went to church tonight instead of tomorrow morning. Because we normally have church services Thursday night/Friday morning, we're having a special Sunday evening service this week for Easter. So tonight was the Good Friday service.

For some reason, I hadn't considered how I would feel about not being home for Easter, I did it in college in Colorado and it wasn't a big deal. This year is different.

At the end of the service, the pastor said if you are not humbled by Jesus then you don't know him. I was overcome with how great his sacrifice was and is. How little I am able to imitate his love and compassion; the significance of the incarnation of Jesus.

I was pondering Jesus Christ coming to Earth, being separated from his father, and then being killed, I started comparing his situation to mine. I'm in a foreign land. Although we keep in touch, I miss the intimacy of my family life. Would I be willing to die for Egyptians? Would I be willing to remain here if I knew before even coming that they would kill me? Is my love for them great enough?

I find my resentments, irritations and anger with my host country overwhelming at times. But they are still human; I can't make Egyptians the Others. Yet Jesus really is Other. And still he loved these human siblings of mine more than I ever can, even on my best of days. How perfect is the love of Christ! The idea of a Brotherhood of Man is a hopeless ideal without Jesus who had to bring his Otherness to make humans whole.

I'm reminded of what Jesus said in one of the gospels, that whoever loves his father or mother more than he loves Jesus is not worthy to follow him. I find myself coming back to that passage every couple years. Am I worthy? Is the desire for intimacy with my family greater than my love for other people? I think in the macro-sense, taking up our cross to follow Jesus means loving people like he does - enough to leave the familiar, take risks and make sacrifices. Those things are different for everyone, but we are all called to obedience.

So can I do it? Can I go to some other people, help the community, teach them, heal their bodies, and then allow them to kill me? I honestly don't know. In so many ways the example of Jesus seems impossible to live up to. I can only be humbled from knowing him. And I think God can work with that.